'Underground Network Alternative Communication' 

Smoke Cats Bra

1. Pilots that do stand up routines during the middle portion of the flight over the intercom.  

2. Planes that never take off, just drive a bunch of people somewhere really fast.  This would require new and/or bigger highways.

3. Planes with no seats, everyone is just strapped to the floor.

4. Domestic airline that advertises unlimited complimentary wine and high end tequila shots.

5. Airline with one flight attendant for every passenger for best service.